Hello. I have been trying to come back but despite announcing so
several times and despite trying to do so as well, I failed.
I feel stuck in a repetitive loop in reallife, like a hamster on a treadmill -
like that poor little fellow here
Once you are in this routine, it can be rather difficult to break out again. You
can't too easily slow down either because that treadmill is just going to trip you
over if you try to stand still (Hamsters obviously have it worse than squirrels in
reallife, you don't often see the latter in such a treadmill).
The being 'unable to stand still' is the main reason why I did find it impossible
or at least very hard to 'just play' - in my current reallife setup, committing less
time wasn't easily possible because I might trip over in that hamster treadmill of
mine. And being a casual player is also difficult as long as one is occupied with
reallife issues. Because you think about what all has to be done and it handicaps
your ability to play.
So the treadmill goes round and round and round and round ...
My current schedule in February 2014 is similar to this one here - wake up early, trot
to work (through fog and coldness ... the weather has been awful lately), work
for about 7 hours, trot home (no fog, but it is dark and cold after work), fall asleep
when home (optional, but that is how I am feeling usually after work, or perhaps I just
fall asleep during work which may happen sometimes), enjoy about 5 hours of non-work
time at best per day, go to bed, repeat the above. I assume that this is valid for many
other people as well, naturally, but I also feel as if there is a diminishing return for
the amount of time I spend and did spend in general in the last ~2 years - not necessarily
related to work alone, but more in particular in regards to the availability of my free
time and being able to decide what to do with my own time altogether.
So spending even more time into that treadmill makes little sense. It is just like
a time sink without significant returns.
A couple of weeks ago, or rather since a much longer while, I decided to invest less
time into work/"career-buildup" related activities in reallife than I did (or did try)
in the last 2 years.
That does not mean that the amount of time spent into that will go down to zero, but it
will dwindle down to an amount I can more easily manage than I could in the last 2 years.
More specifically for me to not accept tasks/jobs that are above the amount of time I
am willing to spend in the first place, and there was more than than enough of that
in the last 6 months at least, which just becomes a recipe for burnout.
From my current standpoint there is no justifiable reason to invest more time into
work-related activities as the return-of-investment just isn't really there to warrant
that. Thankfully I don't have financial pressure so I don't necessarily need to work as
much either - I more wanted to assess the boundaries of my performance (awful idea, see
the burnout reference). And I think I can do just as well as I did at about ~1 year ago,
which was acceptable (I had more time back then than I have right now(.
My contract with the current team will end after February 2014, so right after
this very month now. \o/
After that either way I won't enter that treadmill too easily again. Of course there
will be moments when I will have less time available - April 2014 for instance. But
this will be only 3 days a week, afternoon. Other than that, I have nothing planned
for April 2014.
But I don't expect to for the forseeable future need to take off as much time again
from my available free time, and different to the past two years, I will very carefully
choose how much further work I will assign to myself. While this in itself does not
necessarily translate into more time playing games directly, it will definitely
translate into more free time for me in general, which will then eventually
translate into being able to spend that newly gained time in a less stringent way.
Ok, so why that lengthy note? Mostly because I feel bad because I am announcing
something that I fail to uphold and because my character stated before that he
will be back. So why announce it in the first place OOCly ...
Hmmm. I guess the opposite, being quiet, would not be much better because who
knows where I am! I am still somewhere! I'll be back too!
So basically I am stuck in the reallife treadmill but I will escape eventually,
at the latest end of this month, but most likely (really...) at least during
the weekends (I think), perhaps even during a day (but hardly for more than
cameo appearances during the week simply because of the work schedule - if I
have to get up early then staying up for too long totally would kill me).