Critque my Bio!
Moderator: Wizards
- Damanta
- Veteran
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- Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2009 1:40 pm
- Location: Somewhere, NC
Critque my Bio!
I've been working on a Bio for Damanta to post on the wiki I'd love to hear what you have to say. (constructive criticism ect) Its a rough draft, but I like it so far.
Damanta Laoch was born on the day of Honor in the month of the Jaguar 1101 years after arrival. He was born in a simple Elvandar home with only the presence his mother <name>, and her midwife. His father, a simple human tradesman by the name of Alai, was not present. He was unwilling to claim his child within the walls of Elvandar. In those times, there was talk of a fee imposed on the fathers of half-elven children, one which he could not afford. Nor could he afford for his customers in Elvandar to become aware of his taboo, for his business would suffer greatly. So Damanta was born, a half-elf bastard child in Elvandar.
Needless to say his childhood wasn't easy. The Elven children taunted him because of his mixed heritage and he was not afforded many of the privileges of his pureblooded peers. Not all was bad, however. He and his mother lived comfortably enough on his mother's savings. They had a roof over their heads and never went a night hungry, so he considered himself lucky. Not being able to attend a formal school, Damanta spent much of his time wandering the city, or playing out in the woods. His mother grew concerned of his excess of free time. So, a month or two each year, his mother would send him to go visit his older half brother, Maibrea, and Maibrea's father, a woodsman.
Damanta’s mother eventually grew too concerned over his free time, and lack of schooling. She taught him what she could. He was trained in the Elven tongue, along with politeness, modesty, and how to talk to people. This however would not suffice for a living. So, around the age of 18 he was sent to live with his half-brother until he was trained to make a living of the forest.
*crack* Maibrea cast him a sharp glance. Damanta froze. The boar did too. They waited, after a moment, the boar returned to foraging. They moved forward. Damanta tried his best to feel the forest, let it show him where to put his feet. One foot, then the next, like his brother showed him. *crack* The boar didn't wait and this time, it took off, as did Maibrea. Damanta quickly fell in behind him. They sprinted, forever it seemed. His lungs burned, his feet throbbed. Every fiber of his being wanted to stop and catch a breath. Without thought they chased, he wasn't awake anymore, just trying not to collapse. It surprised him when a cold wind bit through him. They had gone through a gorge and the trees dispersed as a vast tundra opened up before them. They chased on. The boar was starting to succumb of fatigue when Maibrea leapt upon it. A few quick wrist motions with a trapper knife and it was over. Red crept into white. Damanta finally collapsed. He woke up to the warm crackling sounds of a fire. Before his vision could clear Maibrea cuffed him upside the head. "Ya wimp." Maibrea muttered before handing him a slice of roasted boar meat. Damanta stared out of the cave and watched the night's snow fall.
Damanta Laoch was born on the day of Honor in the month of the Jaguar 1101 years after arrival. He was born in a simple Elvandar home with only the presence his mother <name>, and her midwife. His father, a simple human tradesman by the name of Alai, was not present. He was unwilling to claim his child within the walls of Elvandar. In those times, there was talk of a fee imposed on the fathers of half-elven children, one which he could not afford. Nor could he afford for his customers in Elvandar to become aware of his taboo, for his business would suffer greatly. So Damanta was born, a half-elf bastard child in Elvandar.
Needless to say his childhood wasn't easy. The Elven children taunted him because of his mixed heritage and he was not afforded many of the privileges of his pureblooded peers. Not all was bad, however. He and his mother lived comfortably enough on his mother's savings. They had a roof over their heads and never went a night hungry, so he considered himself lucky. Not being able to attend a formal school, Damanta spent much of his time wandering the city, or playing out in the woods. His mother grew concerned of his excess of free time. So, a month or two each year, his mother would send him to go visit his older half brother, Maibrea, and Maibrea's father, a woodsman.
Damanta’s mother eventually grew too concerned over his free time, and lack of schooling. She taught him what she could. He was trained in the Elven tongue, along with politeness, modesty, and how to talk to people. This however would not suffice for a living. So, around the age of 18 he was sent to live with his half-brother until he was trained to make a living of the forest.
*crack* Maibrea cast him a sharp glance. Damanta froze. The boar did too. They waited, after a moment, the boar returned to foraging. They moved forward. Damanta tried his best to feel the forest, let it show him where to put his feet. One foot, then the next, like his brother showed him. *crack* The boar didn't wait and this time, it took off, as did Maibrea. Damanta quickly fell in behind him. They sprinted, forever it seemed. His lungs burned, his feet throbbed. Every fiber of his being wanted to stop and catch a breath. Without thought they chased, he wasn't awake anymore, just trying not to collapse. It surprised him when a cold wind bit through him. They had gone through a gorge and the trees dispersed as a vast tundra opened up before them. They chased on. The boar was starting to succumb of fatigue when Maibrea leapt upon it. A few quick wrist motions with a trapper knife and it was over. Red crept into white. Damanta finally collapsed. He woke up to the warm crackling sounds of a fire. Before his vision could clear Maibrea cuffed him upside the head. "Ya wimp." Maibrea muttered before handing him a slice of roasted boar meat. Damanta stared out of the cave and watched the night's snow fall.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
- luminier
- Overlord
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- Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:40 pm
- Location: Manitoba Canada
Re: Critque my Bio!
thats really good actually. I wish i had the idea of making a bio when i still had some clue of what had gone on at the time i started.
ive wanted to continue my bio on the wiki, but i think i stopped it around the time i joined the Crusade again and I also left out alot of meetings with players like Tessa and the like.
ive wanted to continue my bio on the wiki, but i think i stopped it around the time i joined the Crusade again and I also left out alot of meetings with players like Tessa and the like.
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
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- Location: Texas
Re: Critque my Bio!
Sorry for the extremely delayed response here, but I like it Damanta...for a rough draft.
Needs more elaboration though! No rush though, my background has been in limbo for a while now...months? Dunno...
-poJalil
Needs more elaboration though! No rush though, my background has been in limbo for a while now...months? Dunno...
-poJalil
- luminier
- Overlord
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- Location: Manitoba Canada
Re: Critque my Bio!
I updated my bio on the wiki player page. Go read! Stroke my ego! yes yes.... Ill finish it once my schools done.
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
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- Beginner
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- Location: Texas
Re: Critque my Bio!
Oh great...now I have to go finish mine up.
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Re: Critque my Bio!
Nice work Luminier! I enjoyed it a lot and want to see more!
- Arwenth
- Master
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Re: Critque my Bio!
*does some reading* Oh boy..Now I have to go write a bio...
“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”
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Re: Critque my Bio!
You don't have to write one. I got around it by now, and even though I might beArwenth wrote:*does some reading* Oh boy..Now I have to go write a bio...
tempted to, I am not sure if I can remember all the details that should find it's way
inside. Having lost nearly 70% of my logs doesn't help it either.
All knowledge is heresy. Yes, you heard me correctly.
It is the nature of religions to thrive on ignorance.
It is the nature of religions to thrive on ignorance.
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- Beginner
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- Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:44 pm
- Location: Texas
Re: Critque my Bio!
Updated my bio...finally have a beginning to it, but it still has yet to be finished...still one more section or so to go plus some revisions here and there. Read it if you want.
- luminier
- Overlord
- Posts: 2732
- Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:40 pm
- Location: Manitoba Canada
Re: Critque my Bio!
Good ol fashioned divine intervention and amnesia. I like it.
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
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- Champion
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- Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 2:19 pm
- Location: USA
Re: Critque my Bio!
Just updated mine. Give it a look if you want
- luminier
- Overlord
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Re: Critque my Bio!
I lie way too much on Luminier. It's just so conveinent. It's not like theres a commandment against it anyways.
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
- caelia
- Professional
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- Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:14 am
Re: Critque my Bio!
Good gravy, Delmon. I'd say that it would be hard to mention Caelia's role in this less, but this would only make sense if you had mentioned it at all.Delmon wrote:Just updated mine. Give it a look if you want
Oh, and you misspelled "falsities", so I corrected it for you. I actually didn't think it was possible, and now I'm feeling more than a bit guilty for not asking for permission first. Sorry.
Nice work, all of you.
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- Champion
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Re: Critque my Bio!
Anyone feel free to change mine to add your character in (thanks for the spelling change caelia!). I didn't have time to go from "repenting" to "cleric of Taniel," but that time was an ooc year.
- Arwenth
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Re: Critque my Bio!
Lying is bad...A single lie is sometimes all it takes cause the dominoes to tip over...luminier wrote:I lie way too much on Luminier. It's just so conveinent. It's not like theres a commandment against it anyways.
“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”
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- Champion
- Posts: 751
- Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 2:19 pm
- Location: USA
Re: Critque my Bio!
changed more things. I'm going to reveal more I think...
- luminier
- Overlord
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Re: Critque my Bio!
Psh, Im Lord Marshall, I do what I want!Arwenth wrote:Lying is bad...A single lie is sometimes all it takes cause the dominoes to tip over...luminier wrote:I lie way too much on Luminier. It's just so conveinent. It's not like theres a commandment against it anyways.
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
- luminier
- Overlord
- Posts: 2732
- Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:40 pm
- Location: Manitoba Canada
Re: Critque my Bio!
Thanks, and I finished up. Still needs some tweaks but all in all fully updated.Jalil wrote:Nice work Luminier! I enjoyed it a lot and want to see more!
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
- Damanta
- Veteran
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Re: Critque my Bio!
Feel free to post copies in this thread if you all want to. (Because I'm entirely to lazy to click over to the wiki )
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
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- Hero
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Re: Critque my Bio!
I'd suggest to add links for easier access, but certainly no copies of content hereDamanta wrote:Feel free to post copies in this thread if you all want to. (Because I'm entirely to lazy to click over to the wiki )
for those who are too lazy to move a finger. The low amount of visible changes
is due to me adding a heap of pages with restricted access recently., but if you
increase the number of visible changes, you'll see more of them.
All knowledge is heresy. Yes, you heard me correctly.
It is the nature of religions to thrive on ignorance.
It is the nature of religions to thrive on ignorance.