Critque my Bio!
Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 6:37 pm
I've been working on a Bio for Damanta to post on the wiki I'd love to hear what you have to say. (constructive criticism ect) Its a rough draft, but I like it so far.
Damanta Laoch was born on the day of Honor in the month of the Jaguar 1101 years after arrival. He was born in a simple Elvandar home with only the presence his mother <name>, and her midwife. His father, a simple human tradesman by the name of Alai, was not present. He was unwilling to claim his child within the walls of Elvandar. In those times, there was talk of a fee imposed on the fathers of half-elven children, one which he could not afford. Nor could he afford for his customers in Elvandar to become aware of his taboo, for his business would suffer greatly. So Damanta was born, a half-elf bastard child in Elvandar.
Needless to say his childhood wasn't easy. The Elven children taunted him because of his mixed heritage and he was not afforded many of the privileges of his pureblooded peers. Not all was bad, however. He and his mother lived comfortably enough on his mother's savings. They had a roof over their heads and never went a night hungry, so he considered himself lucky. Not being able to attend a formal school, Damanta spent much of his time wandering the city, or playing out in the woods. His mother grew concerned of his excess of free time. So, a month or two each year, his mother would send him to go visit his older half brother, Maibrea, and Maibrea's father, a woodsman.
Damanta’s mother eventually grew too concerned over his free time, and lack of schooling. She taught him what she could. He was trained in the Elven tongue, along with politeness, modesty, and how to talk to people. This however would not suffice for a living. So, around the age of 18 he was sent to live with his half-brother until he was trained to make a living of the forest.
*crack* Maibrea cast him a sharp glance. Damanta froze. The boar did too. They waited, after a moment, the boar returned to foraging. They moved forward. Damanta tried his best to feel the forest, let it show him where to put his feet. One foot, then the next, like his brother showed him. *crack* The boar didn't wait and this time, it took off, as did Maibrea. Damanta quickly fell in behind him. They sprinted, forever it seemed. His lungs burned, his feet throbbed. Every fiber of his being wanted to stop and catch a breath. Without thought they chased, he wasn't awake anymore, just trying not to collapse. It surprised him when a cold wind bit through him. They had gone through a gorge and the trees dispersed as a vast tundra opened up before them. They chased on. The boar was starting to succumb of fatigue when Maibrea leapt upon it. A few quick wrist motions with a trapper knife and it was over. Red crept into white. Damanta finally collapsed. He woke up to the warm crackling sounds of a fire. Before his vision could clear Maibrea cuffed him upside the head. "Ya wimp." Maibrea muttered before handing him a slice of roasted boar meat. Damanta stared out of the cave and watched the night's snow fall.
Damanta Laoch was born on the day of Honor in the month of the Jaguar 1101 years after arrival. He was born in a simple Elvandar home with only the presence his mother <name>, and her midwife. His father, a simple human tradesman by the name of Alai, was not present. He was unwilling to claim his child within the walls of Elvandar. In those times, there was talk of a fee imposed on the fathers of half-elven children, one which he could not afford. Nor could he afford for his customers in Elvandar to become aware of his taboo, for his business would suffer greatly. So Damanta was born, a half-elf bastard child in Elvandar.
Needless to say his childhood wasn't easy. The Elven children taunted him because of his mixed heritage and he was not afforded many of the privileges of his pureblooded peers. Not all was bad, however. He and his mother lived comfortably enough on his mother's savings. They had a roof over their heads and never went a night hungry, so he considered himself lucky. Not being able to attend a formal school, Damanta spent much of his time wandering the city, or playing out in the woods. His mother grew concerned of his excess of free time. So, a month or two each year, his mother would send him to go visit his older half brother, Maibrea, and Maibrea's father, a woodsman.
Damanta’s mother eventually grew too concerned over his free time, and lack of schooling. She taught him what she could. He was trained in the Elven tongue, along with politeness, modesty, and how to talk to people. This however would not suffice for a living. So, around the age of 18 he was sent to live with his half-brother until he was trained to make a living of the forest.
*crack* Maibrea cast him a sharp glance. Damanta froze. The boar did too. They waited, after a moment, the boar returned to foraging. They moved forward. Damanta tried his best to feel the forest, let it show him where to put his feet. One foot, then the next, like his brother showed him. *crack* The boar didn't wait and this time, it took off, as did Maibrea. Damanta quickly fell in behind him. They sprinted, forever it seemed. His lungs burned, his feet throbbed. Every fiber of his being wanted to stop and catch a breath. Without thought they chased, he wasn't awake anymore, just trying not to collapse. It surprised him when a cold wind bit through him. They had gone through a gorge and the trees dispersed as a vast tundra opened up before them. They chased on. The boar was starting to succumb of fatigue when Maibrea leapt upon it. A few quick wrist motions with a trapper knife and it was over. Red crept into white. Damanta finally collapsed. He woke up to the warm crackling sounds of a fire. Before his vision could clear Maibrea cuffed him upside the head. "Ya wimp." Maibrea muttered before handing him a slice of roasted boar meat. Damanta stared out of the cave and watched the night's snow fall.
Sorry.
Lying is bad...A single lie is sometimes all it takes cause the dominoes to tip over... 
